A girl's guide to paintball
By: Lisa Magedler
Issue date: 3/6/08 Section: Opinion
I noticed that during my experience in paintball most girls (my apologies to those who actually know how to shoot a gun) act somewhat differently than boys. So I would like to offer some advice for girls on how to respectfully play paintball so as not to be mocked or laughed at by the opposite sex.
Regularly wipe your mask. The mask will become foggy as you play, blocking your view of your opponent and thus making any tree appear to be someone on the opposite team. Look carefully to see if it is in fact an enemy or simply a tree. If you continually shoot the tree and yell at it, and it does not move, and others have begun laughing at you, you should probably clean your mask.
But for God's sake, do NOT take the mask off while on the field! This will result in you sporting an eye patch where your eyeball used to be.
Make sure you speak the language of the people you are playing with. If you do not, you may find that you are still shooting at the tree you mistook for the enemy, while everybody is yelling at you "The game is over!"
Also, "Cover me!" is different than, "It's over!" It's important to be able to tell the difference between the two. If you misunderstand "cover me" for "game over," you could be the idiot charging toward the opposite end of the field stumbling on paintball guns because of your foggy mask.
Getting shot hurts. Like hell. Don't cry and complain. That is bad and you will never be allowed to play again.
Advance, advance, advance. Do not hide in the back where you started from because:
a) That's where guys from the opposite team go first because they know that all girls hide in the back.
b) You will not hear that "The game is over!" yell from so far in the back.
c) Every tree from that far back looks like a person, you must advance in order to shoot a REAL person.
d) You will get dirty. Do not wear nice clothes. Wear something you don't care about, like your boyfriend's clothes.
Well ladies, I wish you luck on your endeavors. If you follow these tips, you will surely come out as the man with the least bruises.
Lisa Magedler is a junior majoring in creative writing. She is still recovering after embarrassing herself in paintball and may be contacted at l.magedler@umiami.edu.
Regularly wipe your mask. The mask will become foggy as you play, blocking your view of your opponent and thus making any tree appear to be someone on the opposite team. Look carefully to see if it is in fact an enemy or simply a tree. If you continually shoot the tree and yell at it, and it does not move, and others have begun laughing at you, you should probably clean your mask.
But for God's sake, do NOT take the mask off while on the field! This will result in you sporting an eye patch where your eyeball used to be.
Make sure you speak the language of the people you are playing with. If you do not, you may find that you are still shooting at the tree you mistook for the enemy, while everybody is yelling at you "The game is over!"
Also, "Cover me!" is different than, "It's over!" It's important to be able to tell the difference between the two. If you misunderstand "cover me" for "game over," you could be the idiot charging toward the opposite end of the field stumbling on paintball guns because of your foggy mask.
Getting shot hurts. Like hell. Don't cry and complain. That is bad and you will never be allowed to play again.
Advance, advance, advance. Do not hide in the back where you started from because:
a) That's where guys from the opposite team go first because they know that all girls hide in the back.
b) You will not hear that "The game is over!" yell from so far in the back.
c) Every tree from that far back looks like a person, you must advance in order to shoot a REAL person.
d) You will get dirty. Do not wear nice clothes. Wear something you don't care about, like your boyfriend's clothes.
Well ladies, I wish you luck on your endeavors. If you follow these tips, you will surely come out as the man with the least bruises.
Lisa Magedler is a junior majoring in creative writing. She is still recovering after embarrassing herself in paintball and may be contacted at l.magedler@umiami.edu.
Viewing Comments 1 - 9 of 13
Andy
posted 3/06/08 @ 9:06 PM EST
Wow... just wow.
I'm a guy; I play paintball, alot. I also know many female players who play more (and better) than I do, so Paintball is not a sport that is exclusively for men, nor is it a sport that ladies cannot excell at. (Continued…)
garret
posted 3/10/08 @ 7:53 PM EST
hmm wow. iv been playing pball every week, you have only discribed one half of the sport, or the less popular version. you can play woods ball which you descibed, but most people will have good gear like masks that dont fog. (Continued…)
nikki
posted 5/15/08 @ 8:53 PM EST
wow. just wow. are you some kind of idiot? do you even play? (i mean really play) have you ever even met a girl? i am a girl and i have been playing for 3 years (speedball) and i have never been so insulted. (Continued…)
joey
posted 6/04/08 @ 9:05 PM EST
"personal responsibility to make sure they get lit the f*ck up "
zah!! sounds just like my friends description of a chain to my friends' head, he is of the (male) sex. (Continued…)
cornelius
posted 6/15/08 @ 11:15 PM EST
some skin peels slowly like skin crossed over concentretic section in unknown towers for time n time, at least three days amongst semi arrangotangs readdy to knaw inn skim at your heals like your the freshest pick off of the skillet at boston market, for somewe get lucky and connect like ' it ain't nuttin but a ganstra party' type humans. (Continued…)
she must be an arsonist
posted 6/16/08 @ 9:01 PM EST
i agree with richard so on another note:
a part of me has died recently, did it commit suicide, didwander off into the darkness of the world did it decide to swim with jellyfish, board a spaceship it's uncertain facts is : it's no longer there but all we can do is remember him, and remember express the vigorousness, of how he managed life, for all of us he made the mistakes, played the fool, just so we can learn from the mistakes. (Continued…)
hannah leigh
posted 6/19/08 @ 4:59 AM EST
wow, I'm a girl. and this is so typical and obnoxious...
do you see girls condescendingly posting articles in our paper teaching boys how to properly bake cakes, hem a pant leg, or wax their eyebrows?
NO, so please get over yourself. (Continued…)
Marshmellows n turkeys
posted 6/20/08 @ 9:49 PM EST
Perhaps, hanna, if you feel condescended upon, you have some time to spend thinking about yourself by yourself.
The author(s) wrote a lighthearted article on her experience with the sport, and if a tempest such as yourself happens to have a man or boy, would you mock them for taking the advice of a friend whose been through, the first time, that is. (Continued…)
Veronica
posted 7/04/08 @ 3:35 AM EST
I'm a little pissed at this post, I went balling tonight and i definitly showed them whats up. I'm a great girl, i love all the girly stuff, but if i'm going to do something i'm going to get down and dirty. (Continued…)
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